Tarragon Chicken - A Recipe for Nihilists

Written By Peri Cumali

Tarragon Chicken, or Poulet à l’Estragon, is dish from France, duh. The following recipe is a riff of Julia Child’s (and the other ladies) recipe in “Mastering The Art of Frech Cooking”. She uses whole chicken parts, wherein I subsitute thighs. She also uses madeira, I use white wine. I omitted the carrots as well.

ALL HAIL JULIA!!

Ready in 45 minutes

Serves ~2 people

71,138 calories

Yeah, it’s cooking. It’s chicken. It has Tarragon in it. Hence the name. What did you expect? The Spanish Inquisition?

Ingredients

  • 2 TBL oil

  • 2 boneless skinless chicken thighs ~265g, or with bones and skin, it’s your meal WTF do I care? Be sure to account for the weight of the bones though. And FFS, DO NOT USE BREASTS! You want dry meat? You’re crazy.

  • 45g shallots

  • 6 red pearl onions, or white, peel them.  YouTube can tell you how. HINT: boiling water is involved

  • 1 C chicken stock.  Just store bought, who the fuck has time to make homemade?

  • 4+ sprigs of fresh tarragon, or 2 tsp dried tarragon, you decide

  • 1 TB butter, yes butter. Don’t let me catch you using anything else.

  • ¼ C heavy cream.  Don’t use anything low fat, reduced, fat, non-dairy, otherwise, the sauce will taste of disappoint

  • Salt and pepper, msg (hello Uncle Roger!)

Preparation

  • Set up your music, the recipe will not turn out as well if you don’t have music playing.  Ask the chicken what it wants to hear.

  • Pour your drink. I use the wine I’m cooking with.

  • In a heavy saucepan, heavy enough to use in hand to hand combat, add the oil. Or use a dutch oven. What oil, You ask?  Cooking oil.  Yr choice. I use grapeseed. Heat on medium.

  • Finely dice the shallot, preferably with a knife, and on a cutting board.  Keep the pearl onions whole.

  • Salt and pepper the thighs, add to the saucepan. 

  • Brown thighs over medium heat, on both sides, duh.  You want them golden brown, (texture like sun). Once golden toss on a plate, e.g. set aside.

  • Add shallots and pearl onions to the saucepan. 

    • While they’re cooking make yr side salad, because you need veggies.

    • Slice the bread, you choose the bread, although I don’t recommend pumpernickel.

  • Fuck, the frond at the bottom of the pan is getting too dark!  Quick add a bit of H2O!!!  Scrape the bottom of the pan to loosen the frond.

  • Let the water evaporate. 

  • Locate your drink. Drink. 

  • Add ½ cup white wine.  Did I not put that into the ingredients list? Oh well.  You were drinking wine anyway.

  • Whiff in the alcohol fumes. 

  • Reduce heat to low, Oh FFS the flame on the gas stove went out. Too low.  Restart the flame.

  • Can you still smell alcohol from the pan? No? Add 1 cup chacken stock.

  • Return the chicken thighs to the pan COD, you do know what COD means.  Hint: it stands for cash on delivery

  • Add the tarragon, I hope you chopped it if it was fresh. You didn’t? FUCK!

    • Side note: I had a friend named Tarragon, she was from England.  I always wondered what her parents were smoking when they named her.  I’m sure it wasn’t tarragon. 

  • Slowly simmer the chicken in the stock. Evaluate your life choices. 

  • Use a teaspoon to taste the stock.  Wash the teaspoon after, you philistine!

The shallots having fun in the pot

  • Disregard my messy stove, it’s the maid’s day off.

    • Maid:  author furloughed me in November, bitch.  

  • Use one those thermometer type thingies to see if the chicken has reached 160 degrees F. Remove chicken to a plate, and not the floor, hopefully.

  • Reduce liquid, call it a FAILURE.  It’ll try harder to be delicious now. 

  • Reduce it enough to when it seems to be enough liquid to cover sliced chicken.

  • Throw in more fresh tarragon, because I said so.

  • Taste the sauce, (you washed that spoon right?).

  • Add a TBL of butter. Note: If you use margarine, you are dead to me. 

  • Add ¼ cup cream

  • While we’re still on low heat, stir the sauce and watch it thicken. 

    • Think positive thoughts, this affects the taste of the sauce

  • Add a dollop of butter when no one is looking, because butter.

  • Adjust seasoning(you’ve been tasting and washing that spoon right?). That means you need to determine if you need more salt and pepper.

  • Add a pinch of MSG, must please Uncle Roger.

  • Sauce perfect!

  • Slice chicken

  • Verify once again it does not taste like FAILURE

  • Serve with the meh salad and sliced bread.

Tips

Try not to burn yourself or the food. Be sure to hydrate well, use cocktails or wine. Make sure the dish will not cause Emotional Damage!

You’ll discover you didn’t make enough sauce, you’ll vow that you will make more next time.  You will fail, yet again. 

Put a piece of baguette under the sliced chicken, so that it looks like more, and your guests won’t think you are a cheapskate. Also, you can slip carbs to those sanctimonious carb haters.

Peri Cumali